My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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