We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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