It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
