The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
