I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
