My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
