ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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