Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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