Grow some girl-balls and come out already
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
