i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
