just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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