im six kinds of drunk right now
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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