2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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