Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
