You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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