So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
