Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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