I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
