I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
