just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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