When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
