i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
