grandma shit on top of the toilet
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
