he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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