i permit you to call me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
