No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
