apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
