I wanna bring you to show and tell
My first STD was from a foam party
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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