He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
