i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
