I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
