I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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