yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
