I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize