So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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