I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
