I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
