I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
