They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
