pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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