i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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