I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
