apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
