youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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