I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Where did you get a picture of my penis
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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