rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
