He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
