carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
