he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
