Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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