Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
