I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
