I heard we made out
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
