They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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