I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
