So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
