you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
