I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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